LONG DISTANCE

Here i am,all alone,my pregnancy is growing.The person that i need wasn't around.Taking care of  the little human inside me as i could.Did everything i can.Facing so much trouble to get a proper treatmen.What a stupid country.No wonder so many people dumped their kids in the bushes and let them died.But i will never do that.I will fight for my little human.The only person i have right now.The reason why i still have the courage to face all the shamless and bad mouth around me.

Lots of problem during my pregnancy,health,finances,enviroment.What about relationship with J? Emmmm...idk. Zero expectation.We still talking and contacted each other tho,but nothing more nothing less.As i know he is having a blast,back to his hometown.Good for him.

Everyday i prayed for my little human for her health,intelligence,

                               ....................continued................

NIGHT AT THE ZETA

After few month talking on the phone,Sometimes i did not answer or pick up the call,that how was i am.I finally decided to meet him at The Zeta.I was late,not in purpose but my friend Mariam really against me to see J.

Whe i arrive J and his buddy is on the way out from the bar.Akwardddd..:]
Say hi and we get back inside the bar.I'm pretty sure he's not gonna wait because i'm late for like an hour.I understand if he decide to go but he get back inside with me.

This is the moment where i find out he's not a kind of guy who has money.I know he's poor.He couldn't afford for a treats.But it's ok.I can get my own drink.Btw his friend left!! he grossed out by my friend mariam.She's pretty too old for his age lol.

almost 1 o'clock in the morning,time to go home.Mariam want me to join her for our friend birthday event,their place close at 3.But i choose to go with J.I spent the night at his house.Along the way to his house i'm so terrified and feel so teribble,how could i do this.I have a rule to never walk in to a boy house/room.At the same time i'm worried he gonna rape and throw me out from the window.I still have that believe that he is Arabs like what Mariam convinced me.But i saw his ID.Trying to comfort myself :P

After the night we i thought i will not talking to him again like i always do,Never hope he gonna reach me out again.Well i spend my weekend at his place again.He told me he likes me but for now let be just friend first to figured out if we are good together.He requested me to move into his place.Yep sure i did.

i feels like my brain is off.I saw him texting almost all female friend on the facebook flirting,video chatting,whatsapping.I NEVER SAY ONE WORD! never complain.I let him.To me we're in the phase to figure out what's gonna happen to us next.One day i get back from work after 1 days not spending time at his place,All my stuff is hidden.I asked him why hide my stuff.He told me His coworker come visit so he don't want them to know i was staying with him,Because his boss will get so piss.

April 2013 he asked me if i'm okay to announce our relationship and make it official.I'm for sure happy for it.Early May i found out i'm pregnant.We are not ready for this.He wants me to get rid of it,and i did.That our first child.Early June J admitted to the hospital for a week.His father come over to check on him.The first time i met his father.He was a nice guy.He bough me a pink cap to say thank you for looking after his son i guess.June is not good for us..He have a rough day at work,Not get along with his boss.He get sick because too much stress from work and financial problem.He's lucky i'm the gf that never asked him for material! i pay for our food also,And i lend him cash.Sometime i come home with my homemade pasta.Because i want us to save money from eating outside.

There is one day i'm not coming home and i call him asked him if he eaten anything.He told me he have zero cash to buy anything.My heart was break.I transfered him 50 bucks and asked him to get food.This is the reason why i didn't leave him.He need someone who can be with him at the very worst moment.All his friend is fake! none of them give a damn.

I missed my period on June also.Oh.. i forgot to tell something, J is quitting his job and will go back to California on July!! again our brain is off lol we enjoyed our time together like we're gonna stay together forever.J wants me to do pregnancy test to make sure thing before he going back to hometown.And yeah again i'm pregnant.This time around we both decided to keep it.We're not thinking,So stupid.

He got 1 week left to spend time with me,I din't show anything different,no sign of worried or sad or care.To be honest i'm holding on and talking to myself,make myself feel better itself.Try to be tough i guess.We live the life to the core.We spent time as usuall.No conversation for future.

The day has come,I help him packed his stuff,i packed my stuff.we split up for like 1 hour.I sent all my baggage to my house and he's waiting me at MC'DONALD at the sentral.He's taking a train to the airport.We're eating and looking at each other.And i still smile like nothing going on.And at the end he told me it's time for me to go.And i suddenly crying and hug him..please don't go.

I was crying and crying when i sent him to the platform.He was crying also.I saw him do down the elevetor and waving each other with tears in the eyes.He's on the train on the way to airport.And i'm on the train to go home.

INTERMISSION

NIGHT AT THE SULTAN

I was with my girlfriends Mariam and Nadia hanging out at the place called Sultan.I have a date that night with a guy named Ricky.He is Scandinavian. Very nice guy,good looking, and he really into me.But the problem is I don't have any feelings for him. I've been treated him so bad in the previous so many time.I ignored his called and message. I give so many excuses when he want to meet up with me.But yet he still good to me. Until the day, where I decided to see him at the Sultan.

This is the night where I met with him, someone that I have no idea,will become someone that I can't live without. It's funny hows it happend.That night is suppose to be me and Ricky declaration.

I was on the floor dancing in the crowded with my friends.Mariam annoyed me.She keep pushing me to dance with the guy around the corner.She say if you don't want him,and then get him for me.I ws like wtf.He's not a food or items in the cluttered
market.While I try to make my self calm down,The guy came to me.He asked me " are you Catholic ". I'm chuckled. And I was like" what question is this". Nobody ever asked me a question like that.And I simply answered. Yes,why.he admitted he is a Catholic also.I said "oh really" good.We introduce ourselves to each other. Let's called him J.
My friend Mariam assumed he is Arabian tried to be American. So he showed his ID card or driving license I guess. I don't really care about the guy that night.While talking to him I annoyed and make Rick pissed off and he left without say goodbye. And I don't care either
Like meh .... :)
I sit on my chair enjoying whiskey and forgot about everybody else inside the big room. While staring at my glass, I saw J in the crowded.I stared at him in the darkness under the neon lights.His face looks confused with people he hang around with.Tried to make himself comfortable.Well what I see is, someone who feel so alone in the crowded.
I throw an ice cubes on him.just try to make him a little bit feel like there is someone inside there know he is exist. Finally he came to me, I heard he say the boss wants o throw him out.That's not nice. I would let him join me and have a sit at my table.But he go to his group,a group that actually threw him out from the group.The night is over.we're going home.Before leave I and J exchange our contact number. Honestly, after the night I don't really bother and care if J will contact me or me will contact him
I definitely forgot about the night.